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21 May 2008 @ 04:59 pm
World is small.  

The world is small,
The world is small,

She is sick and tired of us all,
She is dying so slowly and painfully,

HELP save her,
HELP save her,

Small compared to others like her,
No other planets like her,

To many humans,
To many humans,

One day she will over flow with us all,
Slowly she will suffocate,

Forever suffering, soon the end will come,
Forever suffering, soon the end will come.

.
 

 
 
Location: Rental Home
Mood: artisticartistic
Music: N/A
 
 
 
Autumn Seaautumnsea on May 21st, 2008 07:14 am (UTC)
I had a quick look at your profile page and it says you're in Year 9 ... It's good that you're writing and exploring creativity. I enjoyed the subject of this poem as it creates or aids in awareness ... I just want to constructively give you some advice: just be more aware of the correct spelling of words (as it can be off-putting to the reader). I know that can be hard if spelling isn't something you are good at but you can use a spell-checker on your comp to help.

I did however enjoy the repetition of certain lines. It brought the message home deeper.

Keep trying and writing!
reginaclarejane on May 21st, 2008 12:18 pm (UTC)
Yes, I agree with starlithenge... you're at a great age to allow your creativity to start flowing! Well done!
Spelling is important in a poem, though! There are so many ways to check it these days- thank goodness!
:)

Edited at 2008-05-21 12:23 pm (UTC)